I'm sure he'll be here soon...

Even after 7 straight hours in the terminal, Roland was still beside himself with excitement at the thought of meeting Agent Smith.  He knew that this was a subway station that Smith frequented and, especially if he replicates himself, he would arrive eventually.  Roland was fairly certain that he saw Neo among a horde of ignorant copper-tops but he wasn't about to give up his position to greet the One.  Agent Smith is the #1 Bad A$$ and everyone knows it.  If Roland could only engage him in sweet battle, all of his friends back at the Mystic Realms Card and Comic shop would know that they and the entire Multiverse they claim existence in had been pwned by his amazingness. õVMP

Best Courses in America: Volume I

Golfing Gold: An in-depth look at America's most notable courses.
A Special Report exclusive to Vending Machine Puppy

I don't even know what to say here. Do I begin with the fashionable hairstyle or wonder at the possibilities for amusing pictures contained in that camera around his shoulder? Do I go to the fact that this old codger actually lives at the miniature golf course, or mention that wombat resting on the back ledge? Should I point out the wonderful juxtaposition of window sill AstroTurf with live geranium? Or perhaps bring to light that the golf balls are colored with paint left over from his VW Bus seen in the window reflection? Regardless of all that, I think it should be noted that the final tee time is 5PM and Wheel of Fortune begins at 6. õVMP

Around the World

Flushing on the Equator: Colombian toilets confused by science.


Next time: record players. õVMP

They finally settled down and bought an upscale boutique

 Gladys knew that the mannequin in the window looked familiar.  What she didn't realize is that her parents had sold her twin sister to Gypsies at the age of 18 months for drug money. õVMP

Nuisance

This day was simply not going the way my horoscope had set me up to believe. "The Moon in Leo conjuncts Mars and squares Mercury today, indicating that many voices will want to be heard now." Ok, well I wasn't sure what at all that meant anyway but it certainly didn't have anything to do with missing my bus and having some sort of medical "emergency" with the neighbor kid who just decided to tag along.


I've been skimming my pocket first aid manual for the past 15 minutes or so and have yet to find anything addressing either 'catatonia' or 'paralysis'. At least she's quiet. She wouldn't shut up earlier. I finally let her have my PB&J sandwich, which seemed to calm her down. Now, I'm not a doctor, but I figure the little girl is probably doing better as she hasn't been doing that frothing thing for at least 5 minutes now. Do these trains have medical staff? I really do have an important meeting at 9:30. Perhaps I should just pin a little note of explanation to her coat.  I think it's safe to say it would be immoral to just leave her here. It is a darling coat.


Oh, what to do...?  Good grief - this is exactly why I never had children. õVMP

Sigh

She is so disappointed in you.
õVMP





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Life-Sized J. J. Walker

I love backbacks. And computer bags, briefcases, satchels, all variety of haversacks, rucksacks, what have you. This photo shows the latest craze in university student book-toting. This California State University, Northridge student (facing the palm trees) is wearing the incredibly hip and fashionable Ronald McDonald full-body book satchel. You can see that, although attached back to back, it appears completely lifelike. So much so, that this young student in the foreground is attempting to play catch with her uberfun and thrift-conscious beach ball. She's turned her back on who she actually believes to be the founder of McNuggetLand because she is embarrassed that she recently allowed this man:

to paint her face at a frat party. Not something she is proud of or would ever repeat sober. Full-body backpacks also come in: Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guiness style), J. J. Walker, Albert Einstein, and Burt Reynolds (black shirt with roses style) character varieties.  They are gaining popularity in more dangerous neighborhoods due to their ability to instantly double your presence and make perspective muggers move on to easier prey. The legs hold approximately two six packs of your favorite university beverage, while the torso will store books, binders, laptops, snacks, etc.  Available online or at your Student Bookstore. õVMP